The 2014 T Dog Media Turkey Awards

Jimmy the Joke.

Gobble, gobble everyone! It’s that time of year… to celebrate (and criticize) the worst in media. It’s the 2014 T Dog Media Turkey Awards.

If you’ve noticed, the first eleven items are all local, and makes up a third of the list. Just goes to show you the power of The Chicago Way. The sad part is, the Jackie Robinson West Little League Team’s U.S. Championship was the only positive item to come out of the metropolitan area this year, and their championship came due to hard work, teamwork, and determination – the opposite of The Chicago Way, which is basically being inept, corrupt, lazy, and stupid.

And there is a lot of “The Chicago Way” this year in Chicago media, from Rahm Emanuel to Jay Cutler, from Steve Cochran to iHeart (or Heartless) Media.

So, without further ado, let’s start handing out the awards – or throw it at them…

Jimmy DeCastro. From his mishandling of The Game 87.7, to demoting (and later firing) Garry Meier to declining ratings across the board (excluding the most recent ratings period), DeCastro and WGN Radio are clearly the biggest turkeys of 2014, by a wide margin. Congratulations on continuing what Sam Zell, Kevin Metheny, and Randy Michaels started: destroying what was once one of America’s finest radio stations.

The Chicago Bears. Maybe the Bears should air their games on WGN instead? Just like with DeCastro and WGN, the Bears have their own problems: Phil Emery, Marc Trestman, Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall, and idiot players who aren’t passionate, getting blown out in game after game. Can’t decide which is worse – the cult of Cutler or the cult of DeCastro.

The Game 87.7. This failed sports station never had a chance, from no sports-infused morning radio program to the amateur Gong Show-like presentation of most of its shows and on-air talent to generic branding.

“Chicagoland”. Filled with racial stereotypes, this eight-hour Rahm Emanuel infomercial is the worst TV show of the year – or is it? The Bears are actually giving them a run for their money. At least Jay Cutler wasn’t featured.

Chicago Tribune. Their website redesign is the worst I’ve seen for any major web property in years. Wondering where those racist comment sections are? Don’t worry, they’re now on the side for all of you to see!

Chicago Sun-Times. A few Fridays ago, they had “placeholder text” where a Jay Cutler story should be, leaving their readers to “translate the code”. Let me do it for you: Jay Cutler sucks.

Derrick Rose. I guess the Bulls superstar is taking a page from How To Bullsh** Your Way Though Being An Athlete by Randy Moss: Rose plays when he wants to play.

CutlerJay Cutler. An overrated, piece of sh** quarterback. And just as stupid is his defenders, who also think Rahm Emanuel is doing a good job as mayor.

Chicago baseball. Hell, a no-brainer there.

WLS-AM and Chicago radio in general. Bringing back Steve Dahl proves Chicago radio hasn’t really evolved in… oh, some 40 years. See the first item above.

V103 firing Ramonski Luv. Excluding the Steve Dahl part, see the item above this one.

CNN. Remember a time when CNN actually did journalism and not spend time on missing Malaysian plane and producing crud documentaries?

Don Lemon. The Jay Cutler of news personalities: too expensive, overrated, and an idiot.

Sean Hayes. Late of The Millers, this guy kills sitcoms faster than Ted McGinley.

Fox. Remember when Fox primetime actually was a thing? Beverly Hills 90210, The Simpsons (when they were good), Family Guy (when it was good), American Idol (when people watched it) – oh, those were the days. Now the network is a broken-down farm, with nothing but past-its-prime junk and awful new shows. It makes UPN’s entire existence look good by comparison. Not to mention Fox’s two locally-owned stations in Chicago ranking regularly behind WGN-TV, WCIU, and even Univision. Is Jimmy DeCastro running this network, too? Here are two examples of Fox’s “genius”…

Utopia. Seriously, who thought of this garbage?

Mulaney. Seriously, whose idea was it to give this guy a sitcom?

State of Affairs. Katherine Heigl returns to television. Who cares?

McCarthys. Bad sitcom rubbish. Shouldn’t this be on Fox instead?

TV By The Numbers’ Cancellation Bear. A Twitter gimmick that’s already old and tired. If my “cancellation bus” (remember that fiasco?) didn’t go nowhere, why should this one? The Cancel Bear should go into hibernation, just like the Chicago football team of the same name did.

The Aaliyah and Saved By The Bell “movies”. Gotta love these “unauthorized” TV movies Lifetime keeps putting out. Contains more fiction than you think.

An En Vogue Christmas. A real musical group starring in a scripted, cliched movie. Since when the funky divas become The Monkees? Are they going to star in a remake of Head next?

Grade A AssholeWil Wheaton and Kenya Moore. They blocked T Dog Media’s Twitter feed because they couldn’t handle yours truly’s um… “conduct” (click here and here to see what went down.) Here’s your Turkey Awards, you two. Now shove it up both your asses. Pricks.

Philadelphia 76ers. 0-14 start? See ya in 2018…if you haven’t moved to Nova Scotia.

The NFL. Is there any worse way the league and Roger Goodell could have handled the Ray Rice incident?

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Should be renamed Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.T. Down over 40 percent in the ratings from a year ago, it’s time the pull the plug on this turkey, which is nothing more than a lackluster vehicle to promote Marvel’s movies, which really need no promotion. Just proves DC Comics does television better – much better than Marvel. S.H.I.E.L.D. is the Jay Cutler of action series.

You should talk, Melinda: Not much to like about you either!
You should talk, Melinda: Not much to like about you either!

Happy Thanksgiving!