Bears bumble, stumble, and fumble in the ratings

Dolphins run ripshod over Bears. (AP)
Dolphins run ripshod over Bears. (AP)

Loss to Miami Dolphins cements team as a punchline; ratings plunge 

If you were to compare sitcoms to NFL teams, the Dallas Cowboys would be like The Big Bang Theory (accurate given both are successful and bring out a lot of distractors) and the New England Patriots would resemble Modern Family.

As for the Chicago Bears? The team is looking more like Mulaney. Or more accurately, Me and the Chimp.

The Bears lost Sunday to the Miami Dolphins 27-14 at Soldier Field, dropping them to 0-3 at home for the season. The locker room scene after the game was described as chaotic as Brandon Marshall was doing his best Jeff Garlin imitation, yelling and screaming at anything that moved. Each time Marshall uttered the word “unacceptable” when talking to the press, you can easily slip in a laugh track.

Meanwhile, Marc Trestman looked so lost as a head coach, you wonder if Sheldon Cooper could’ve done a better job.

Tells you how pathetic the Bears have become.

One thing for certain: no one is laughing – especially when it comes to the ratings and attendance.

Sunday’s Dolphins-Bears game hit a season-low 26.9 Nielsen rating according to Lewis Lazare at Chicago Business Journal, and was down 15 percent from last week’s game against the Atlanta Falcons, which had an advantage of a late afternoon start time, where HUT levels are higher.

With home losses come apathy – despite a sellout, there were many empty seats scattered throughout Soldier Field Sunday and will likely increase throughout the season.

And the ratings are bound to go lower if the Bears continue to lose as attention shifts to the Bulls and Blackhawks, whose respective seasons will be soon in fullswing.

You might not want to think about this, but despite the ratings decline, Bears games are still the most-watched program in the Chicago area, with more viewers than Modern Family, NCIS, The Voice, and The Big Bang Theory, thanks in part to the team’s huge loyal fanbase. A very depressing thought, given the state of the TV industry is no better than the Bears.

If the Bears continue to be this bad, maybe they should replace the team with the cast of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. You’ll end up with the same mediocre results, but at least the ratings would plunge. Why not? Agent Coluson can outcoach Marc Trestman and the Raina character in the flower dress would make a better quarterback than Jay Cutler.