White Sox changes stadium name to Guarantee Rate Field

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The new name for the second coming of Comiskey is a guaranteed flop with fans

Nine alternative names for the ballpark

With news like this, you’d wish Jay Leno and David Letterman weren’t retired.

The Chicago White Sox announced Wednesday it has entered into a new naming rights agreement with a mortgage lending company, renaming their Guaranteed Rate Field, replacing teleco U.S. Cellular, which held the rights since 2003.

And so, the White Sox – a team that plays on the South Side of Chicago, hooks up with a mortgage company, whose industry is responsible for the subprime lending crisis, which led to many vacant and abandoned homes across the South Side of Chicago.

Smooth move, White Sox. Did you get your advice to rename the ballpark from Donald Trump’s marketing team?

As you can imagine, the news was greeted with scorn and ridicule on social media as it should be, with #BetterSoxStadiumNames trending nationally much of Wednesday (see some of the best taglines here.) And at a time when Chicago’s image is suffering globally, renaming a ballpark in your town after a direct response advertiser isn’t exactly a great idea. It screams tacky and stupid – you expect Ron Popeil to come and throw out the first pitch on Opening Day next year.

What, the White Sox were rejected by Life Alert? Surprising, given the team has fallen and couldn’t get up this season, or in the last decade. Or maybe Beltone will sign on as a sponsor, given nobody listens to what manager Robin Ventura says on the field.

Not bad for a franchise – only 12 years removed from a World Championship – heading into the same territory the Chicago Blackhawks did in the late 1990’s and early-to-mid 2000’s as the worst run team in professional sports. As yours truly illustrated here and here, this has been a pattern with the White Sox for the last few years – especially the “white flag” trades in 1997 and 2009, the latter getting their “white flag” inspiration from NBC when they signed Leno to do a show in primetime five nights a week.

So as per T Dog Media tradition, it time to make fun of this event, with my own list of Better Sox Stadium Names – some of these I posted on Twitter:

Blockhead Field. Renaming the ball park after Charlie Brown is a good idea – after all, look at the similarities: bad pitching, bad fielding, plus they lose all the time – and like Charlie Brown, manager Robin ventura is a blockhead.

Pink Lady and Jeff Memorial Park. Just like the White Sox this season, Pink Lady and Jeff was a flop for NBC. To get to the ballpark, you can take the Supertrain.

Agents of SHIELD Field. Why not? Agents of SHIELD blows plot opportunities, White Sox pitcher James Shields blows leads – not to mention the ABC drama and the White Sox have exactly the same low television ratings. Plus, “Shield” rhymes with “Field”. Get it?

Rahm Emanuel Field. Yeah, I know Rahm is a Cubs fan. But White Sox management is like his administration: stubborn, aloof, and failing.

CNN Stadium. When you think about it, the White Sox and CNN have the same arrogant people in charge: Kenny Williams for the former and Jeff Zucker for the latter: and you ask why both of these guys still have their respective jobs. Maybe they should swap positions for a week – Williams might know where the Malaysian plane is.

Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific Stadium. Taken from an actual Simpsons episode.

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Ballpark. I can’t believe this is an actual MLB team playing in one.

Rep. Joe Walsh Stadium. Might not work because Walsh might wind up deporting half the team.

Cumulus Radio Field. Since Cumulus’ WLS-AM is already the White Sox’s radio partner, why not rename the park after one of radio’s worst companies? Bad radio management and bad baseball management always go together. The White Sox can get Mancow from The Loop to throw out the first pitch. Better yet, give him a job in the starting rotation and watch him give up 16 runs in the first inning.

I see you’re not laughing anymore.

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