2008’s Toilet 10

I’ve noticed that hardly anyone has come up with a worst TV show list for 2008 (too easy, perhaps?) Maybe the economy was bad enough not to talk about any bad TV…

Anyhoo, here are the worst, the inane, the horrible, horrible, stench of what was left behind in 2008 in terms of media – and remember, we’re not just listing TV shows here:

1. Heroes: Villains (NBC). After finishing second in the 2006 Excellent 10 list, it is no surprise this program finishes first among this year’s worst media items. In just two years, it has gone from one of the best shows on TV to one of the worst, thanks to poor writing, abandoned storylines, bad acting, too many characters, shoddy special effects, and ratings half of what they were for Chapter Two, which aired in 2007. For all the money spent on this crap, Villains looked like a low-budget 1950’s monster movie.

2. The FCC. From blaming Worlds of Warcraft on the college dropout rate to being a mouthpiece for right-wing groups, and from Chairman Kevin Martin’s proposal for a porn-free broadband service to bungling the transition to digital TV, this is just more proof the agency is being run by incompetent idiots, with Martin being the biggest idiot of them all. These morons couldn’t run a Dairy Queen let alone a major agency which handles our nation’s telecommunications.

3. The Detroit Lions. Staff who get their jobs through nepotism, a front office who could care less about the public, and leaders who are complete clowns. No, this isn’t Illinois politics we’re talking about (but it ought to be), but the 0-16 Detroit Lions – the first winless NFL team in 32 years. This team is a complete utter embarrassment, even for Detroit. The people running this team (including head clown William Clay Ford and former coach clown Rod Marinelli) should be in jail with Mayor Kilpatrick for perpetrating this fraud of a team on the citizens of Detroit.

4. Rosie Live (NBC) This made The Star Wars Holiday Special look like Masterpiece Theatre.

5. Do Not Disturb (Fox) Yeah, a real cinch to make this list.

6. Nine-FM. After four years of failing to find an audience, what took Newsweb so long in pulling the plug on this inane format? (Nine-FM has returned to the airwaves on a Kankakee station.)

7. The Return of Mancow and Delilah. Radio’s two answers to questions nobody asked – or want – return to Chicago. Oh, and Mike North’s back as well, co-hosting a new show with Dan Jiggetts on Comcast SportsNet. All of this proves you don’t need to have an advanced degree – or brains – to get on-air work in Chicago. Is Mariotti not too far behind?

8. The Cable News Networks (CNN, Fox News, MSNBC.) From “terrorist fist jabs” to “breaking news” regarding Obama breaking a nail, from using holograms to news personalities sniping at each other on-air… Good grief. Look, if you want serious journalism or serious analysis on World issues, go to NPR, the BBC, or even Channel 20 locally in Chicago – not these guys. The cable news channels offer little of any substance or anything remotely useful. Cable news’ style and presentation is really no different from that of local news – loud and very annoying.

9. Retread Hell (NBC’s Knight Rider and CW’s 90210.) Who here really wanted these two shows back? And moreover, who really cares about Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth and their aging, aloof characters anymore? Talk about being typecast. And now remakes of Melrose Place and The Partridge Family are in the works. Are you kidding me? No wonder the major nets are losing audiences. What’s next, a new version of The Monkees? Wait a minute…

10. Momma’s Boys (NBC). Outside of Flavor of Love, this has to be the worst reality show to ever air on television. Another dumb project green lighted by Ben “Bulls Ballboy” Silverman.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: According to Jim (ABC), Bret Michaels: Rock of Love (VH-1), Celebrity Family Feud (NBC), The Ex-List (CBS), I Survived a Japanese Game Show (ABC), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network).

And here are some more dishonors:

YOUR DAD IS DEAD BITCH, SO GET OVER IT: Corrinne from Survivor: Gabon made a nasty comment regarding a fellow contestant’s deceased father during Tribal Council. Asked during the reunion show, Corrinne refused to apologize for making the remarks.

Well, I guess her nasty attitude more than qualifies her to become a part of Mancow’s Morning Madhouse – a gig just a step above the $5-an-hour job she currently holds at the local chicken shack. My prediction for 2009: Corrinne will join the cast of The View, where she’ll sit beside “the ditzy blond” who is also from Survivor and also a pain in the ass.

TAKEN FOR A SAP, PART I: Sam Zell’s purchase of the Tribune Co. Yours truly supported the move at first, thinking it would save jobs, improve local news coverage, and restore the media company to greatness. Well… Tribune filed for Chapter 11, hundreds of people were laid off, and introduced a moronic “Breaking News” section on all of its Chicago web properties – which features mostly crime blotter stories. Oops.

TAKEN FOR A SAP, PART II: Heroes creator Tim Kring criticized fans of his show who watched it “live” (a.k.a. watching it on your TV set every Monday night at 8 p.m.) as opposed to on DVD and DVR, calling them “saps” and “dipshits”. So if Mr. Kring claims to be smarter than the rest of us, why is he still working in television?

SCROOGED: Radio companies who fire people before the holidays. Ask Lisa Greene, Eddie & JoBo, and Steve Dahl.

WORST EXECS OF THE YEAR: NBC’s Ben “Bulls Ballboy” Silverman, The CW’s Dawn Ostroff, Clear Channel Chicago’s Darren Davis, Matt Millen, and anyone else running the Bears, Bulls, Lions, and Oklahoma City Thunder. Sure, I can list some more, but because of space limitations…

WORST TITLED TV SHOW: New York Goes to Hollywood. Huh?

WORST FALL: WGN-AM’s shocking ratings slide in key demos after the new Portable People Meter became currency for radio measurement in Chicago.

MOVIE THAT REALLY, REALLY, LIVED UP TO ITS NAME: The flick Disaster Movie. Enough said.

THE RECORD BUYING PUBLIC. For making Britney Spears a success again, and the continued successful careers of Chris Brown and ‘Lil Wayne. If anyone needs to rot in a jail cell besides Governor Blago and Mayor Kilpatrick, it’s these fools who keep buying this crap they call “music”.

AND THE LAST WORD: Sadly, 2009 could hold more of the same mediocrity in movies, music, government, and media. In other words, Momma’s Boys will probably be renewed and we can expect a sequel to Disaster Movie. Happy New Year!

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